Laws of Murphy (and others)

Here is a nice little collection of funny so-called "laws" that govern what happens in the world, inanimate objects, unintended consequences, and things in general. Warning to women: you may read this, but you may not get it or you may think it is ridiculous (you're wrong, of course). Oh, well, without further ado, here we go. And of course, NO banner ads and NO pop-ups ever on any SwapMeetDave web pages!

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch and/or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll or slide to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Law of Variation
If you change traffic lanes or lines at the store, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
(My brother-in-law has proved this many times.)

Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Law of the Telephone
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of Hot Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you will be inspired (by youself or, more likely, your boss) to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Window Cleaning
It's on the other side.

Law of Fixing or Replacement
If it jams...force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Theorem of Making Things Fit
If it doesn't fit, use a hammer.
If it still doesn't fit, use a sledge hammer.

The Dimensions Dilemna
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least useable terms. For example, velocity will be expressed in furlongs/fortnight.

Law of Universal Fit
Interchangeable parts won't (or don't?).

Law of Anxious Unpacking
The assembly and operation manual will be discarded with the packing material. The garbage truck will have it picked up five minutes before the mad dash to the rubbish can.

Axiom: The Carpenter's Rule "Measure Twice, Cut Once" Doesn't Apply to Electricians
Any wire cut to the exact measured length will be too short.

The Axiom of Near vs Far
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

The job security quiz~

The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you.

The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...

A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.

B. Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.

C. Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.

There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?

A. Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.

B. Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.

C. Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughingstock."

When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?

A. Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.

B. Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.

C. Go over to your bosses house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.

Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?

A. Listen politely, and then apologize.

B. Blame someone else.

C. Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you've written the word "union."

When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you...

A. Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.

B. Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.

C. Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.

Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth birthday party, what do you do?

A. Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.

B. Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.

C. Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.

The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean; you...

A. Clean the office while he supervises.

B. Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.

C. Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.

Scoring this test

Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire you because you're a doormat.

Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings, you'll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real jerk.

Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.

How a guy selects the right girl to marry

it just a-joke~

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.

As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Then he married the one with the largest breasts.


Men are Men!!!

Roda kereta Firaun di Laut Merah?

Oleh IBRAHIM ABDULLAH

MASIH ramai yang ingat kisah mukjizat Nabi Musa a.s membelah Laut Merah dengan tongkatnya ketika dikejar oleh Firaun dan bala tenteranya. Kini penyelidikan telah membongkar rahsia ajaib tersebut.

Seorang arkeologi Ron Wyatt, akhir tahun 1988, menyatakan dia telah menemui beberapa bangkai roda kereta tempur kuno di dasar Laut Merah.

Menurutnya, mungkin ini merupakan bangkai kereta tempur Firaun yang tenggelam di laut itu sewaktu digunakan untuk mengejar Nabi Musa bersama para pengikutnya.

Selain menemukan beberapa bangkai roda kereta tempur berkuda, Wyatt bersama para krunya juga menemukan beberapa tulang manusia dan tulang kuda di tempat yang sama.

Penemuan ini tentunya semakin memperkuat dakwaan bahawa sisa-sisa tulang belulang itu merupakan bahagian dari kerangka para bala tentera Firaun yang tenggelam di Laut Merah.

Di samping itu, hasil ujian di Stockhlom University terhadap beberapa sisa tulang belulang yang berhasil ditemukan, mengesahkan adanya struktur dan kandungan beberapa tulang berusia sekitar 3,500 tahun silam, di mana sejarah, kejadian pengejaran dalam kurun waktu yang sama.

Adalah suatu hal yang menarik, yang juga berhasil ditemukan iaitu roda salah satu kereta kuda yang kini keseluruhannya telah tertutup oleh batu karang. Sehingga waktu ini bentuk aslinya sangat sukar untuk dilihat secara jelas dan nyata.

Mungkin Allah SWT sengaja melindungi benda ini untuk menunjukkan kepada kita semua bahawa mukjizat yang diturunkan kepada para nabi-Nya merupakan suatu hal yang nyata dan bukan cerita dongeng.

Di antara beberapa bangkai kereta tadi, ditemukan pula sebuah roda dengan empat jeriji yang terbuat dari emas. Sepertinya, inilah sisa dari roda kereta yang ditunggangi oleh Firaun.

Pada bahagian peta yang dilingkari (lingkaran merah), menurut para ahli, kira-kira di situlah lokasi di mana Nabi Musa bersama para kaumnya menyeberangi Laut Merah. Lokasi penyeberangan diperkirakan berada di Teluk Aqaba di Nuweiba.

Kedalaman maksimum perairan di sekitar lokasi penyeberangan adalah 800 meter di sisi ke arah Mesir dan 900m di sisi ke arah Arab.

Sementara itu, di sisi utara dan selatan lintasan penyeberangan (garis merah) kedalamannya mencapai 1,500 meter.

Kemiringan laut dari Nuweiba ke arah Teluk Aqaba sekitar 1/14 darjah, dari Teluk Nuweiba ke arah daratan Arab sekitar 1/10 atau 6 darjah.

Diperkirakan jarak antara Nuweiba ke Arab sekitar 1,800 meter. Lebar lintasan Laut Merah yang terbelah diperkirakan 900 meter.

Dapatkah kita membayangkan, berapa gaya (tenaga) yang diperlukan untuk membelah air laut hingga memiliki lebar lintasan 900 meter dengan jarak 1,800 meter untuk membolehkan ratusan ribu pengikut Nabi Musa melaluinya.

Tujuh kilometer

Menurut tulisan lain dikatakan jaraknya mencapai tujuh kilometer, dengan jumlah pengikut Nabi Musa sekitar 600,000 orang dan waktu yang ditempuh untuk menyeberangi sekitar empat jam.

Kajian sebuah perhitungan, dianggarkan diperlukan tekanan sebesar 2.800.000 Newton/m2 atau setara dengan tekanan yang kita terima jika menyelam di laut hingga kedalaman 280 meter.

Jika kita kaitkan dengan kecepatan angin, menurut beberapa perhitungan, sekurangnya diperlukan hembusan angin dengan kecepatan malar 30 meter/detik (180 km/jam) sepanjang malam untuk dapat membelah dan mempertahankan belahan air laut tersebut dalam jangka waktu empat jam.

Sungguh aneh dan ajaib ciptaan Allah SWT. Allah Maha Besar lagi Maha Berkuasa. Firman Allah bermaksud: Setelah mereka menyebabkan kemurkaan Kami, Kami menyeksa mereka, iaitu Kami menenggelamkan mereka semuanya di laut hingga binasa. Maka Kami jadikan mereka contoh dan pengajaran bagi orang-orang yang datang kemudian. (az-Zukhruf: 55-56).

Menurut pendapat lain, kata yang diterjemahkan sebagai Laut Merah (Red Sea) sebenarnya adalah Laut Alang-Alang (Sea of Reeds). Kata ini dikenal sebagai Laut Merah, namun Laut Alang-Alang sebenarnya digunakan untuk merujuk kepada pantai Laut Tengah di Mesir.

Dalam Perjanjian Lama, ketika menyebutkan jalur yang diambil oleh Nabi Musa dan para pengikutnya, ia terletak di utara Delta Nil di pantai Mesir.

Sebagai implikasinya Laut Alang-Alang mendukung kemungkinan bahawa kejadian tersebut terjadi di pantai Mesir, kerana di daerah ini sesuai dengan namanya, banyak tumbuh alang-alang berkat tanah lumpur delta.

Pendapat majoriti terkini mengenalpasti Laut Merah dalam Eksodus sebagai sebuah laguna di pantai Laut Tengah yang terletak di sebelah utara delta di sekitar Semenanjung Sinai.

Al-Quran menggambarkan saat-saat terakhir kehidupan Firaun sebagai berikut: Dan Kami memungkinkan Bani Israel melintasi laut, lalu mereka diikuti oleh Firaun dan bala tenteranya, kerana hendak menganiaya dan menindas mereka, hingga bila Firaun itu telah hampir tenggelam berkatalah ia: "Aku percaya bahawa tidak ada Tuhan melainkan Tuhan yang dipercayai oleh Bani Israel, dan aku termasuk orang-orang yang berserah diri (kepada Allah). (Yunus: 90).

Namun apa yang diucapkan oleh Firaun telah terlambat, pintu taubat telah tertutup. Pengakuannya menjadi sia-sia sahaja, walaupun ia mengakui menyerah diri kepada Allah SWT.

Pengikut-pengikut Firaun, sebagaimana Firaun sendiri, juga menerima bahagian hukuman mereka. Ini kerana bala tentera Firaun adalah orang yang angkara murka dan penuh kebencian.

Seperti halnya Firaun, mereka pun wajar menerima hukuman dari Allah. Maka Allah pun melemparkan Firaun dan bala tenteranya ke dalam dasar laut.

Firman Allah bermaksud: Dengan sebab itu, Kami mengepungnya bersama-sama tenteranya serta Kami humbankan mereka ke dalam laut, maka perhatikanlah bagaimana buruknya kesudahan orang-orang yang zalim. (al-Qasas: 40)

Woman shared bacteria with a cat.

Staphylococcus aureus are bacteria commonly carried on the skin or in the nose of healthy people. Approximately 25% to 30% of the population is colonized (when bacteria are present, but not causing an infection) in the nose with staph bacteria. Sometimes, staph can cause an infection. Staph bacteria are one of the most common causes of skin infections in the United States. Most of these skin infections are minor (such as pimples and boils) and can be treated without antibiotics (also known as antimicrobials or antibacterials). However, staph bacteria also can cause serious infections (such as surgical wound infections, bloodstream infections, and pneumonia). [1]

Some staph bacteria are resistant to antibiotics. MRSA is a type of staph that is resistant to antibiotics called beta-lactams. Beta-lactam antibiotics include methicillin and other more common antibiotics such as oxacillin, penicillin and amoxicillin. While 25% to 30% of the population is colonized with staph, approximately 1% is colonized with MRSA. [1]

One study reported that family pet is an often-overlooked source for recurrent staph infections. A German woman repeatedly battled the same strain of drug-resistant superbug MRSA until her cat was tested and treated. The lady had deep abscesses, or boils, all over her back. Antiseptic washes and antibiotic nasal ointment killed the germ in the other family members, but the woman was still infected. Four weeks after the apparently healthy cat was treated with antibiotics, the woman was free of MRSA and her abscesses had all healed. [2]

Several previous cases of MRSA infections in dogs/pigs and their owners have been reported. [2]

[1]Community-Associated MRSA Information for the Public CDC March 12, 2008
[2] Report: Woman, cat shared staph bug Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 34 minutes ago

Flo Rida Lyrics

pagi yg gelap~

-entry for sat, 13 june
gelap sungguh tatkala jam di dinding baru menunjukkan pukol 5pagi.. pukol 6.30pagi pon masih gelap tapi mak aku dah bising2 suh bgon solat subuh..kalu kat kl aku subuh gajah especially on weekends, tp skang aku bercuti kat kg! huaargggghhh!!! bgon jgk akhirnya (walaupun aku ada pilihan utk tros dgr mak aku bising)..ampun mak..tq sbb kejutkan..(alangkah indahnya pagi itu kalu takde sesiapa yang mengganggu..)

-entry for sun, 14 june
jelesnye tgok org kawen! nk kawen jgk mak..warghhhh!!! we (abh, mak, akk, two nieces and me) went to lanchang..tempat pemuliharaan gajah..untuk majlis sambut menantu kat belah pihak lelaki..dorang berarak naik gajah! wah..berdebar2 pengantin pakai cantik2 then tunggang gajah.. best jgk ye..sesuatu yg unik untuk diingati sepanjang hayat bersama pasangan..tahniah to ani+akhbar, semoga kekal ke akhir hayat..my turn is coming soon..very soon.. ;p

sepit rambut yang berhantu~

ini bukan cerita seram. ini cerita misteri. jangan biarkan hidup anda diselubungi misteri. mari kita sama-sama ungkai cerita ini.

pada suatu hari, sunyi, sepi. hanya terdengar detik-detik jarum saat jam di dinding usang. ya, usang. bukan hari je yang dirasakan sepi, malahan hati ini turut menderita menanggung sepi. sepi akibat perbuatan sendiri. arghhh! tak guna menyesal dengan perbuatan sendiri, sedangkan kesan dan akibatnya telah diketahui akan ditanggung sendiri kelak. malah, seharusnya rasa bersyukur dipanjatkan kerana pengajaran telah ku peroleh. pengajaran yang tak mungkin terdapat dlm sillibus mana-mana sekolah mahupun pengajian tinggi dan tidak juga diterbitkan mana-mana buku.

oh, maafkan saya, cerita di atas hanya rekaan semata-mata. berbalik kepada tajuk entry saya pada kali ini, sepit yang berhantu. saya tidak pernah terfikir yang sepit rambut yang saya simpan selama bertahun2 itu adalah berhantu. kenapa saya bilang begitu, kerna ianya akan pulang kepada saya walaupun telah berkali-kali tecicir. the latest one, on the way nak pegi pyramid or the other way round, sepit ini telah tercicir di jalan raya. tapi setelah seminggu sedih dengan kehilangannya, saya terjumpa ianya di atas meja di salah sebuah bilik di rumah kakak saya. puas saya bertanya kepada ahli rumah tetapi tidak seorg pon yang tahu kenapa dan bagaimana ianya berada di situ. bukan ini kali pertama kejadian kehilangan dan kejumpaan seumapama itu. malahan kalau anda di luar sana yang mempunyai sepit rambut, berapa tahun maksimum yang anda boleh gunakan? mine more than 10 years!

till then,
tell me-seram or misteri?

im not working but blogging~

this is my second entry for today, too bad i cant conc. on my job..donno why but perhaps one thing is about the skrecth n dented kat but depan kereta. sapa nye kerje mmg la org tu &^*%#$!
since bila semua tu wujud pon aku tak sedar sbb smlm aku telah parking di petak yg cantik skali tapi 'org' ini dengan halusnya telah berjaya mencederakan kereta itu..dgn cara apa aku tak pasti, sebab kecederaan tu taidak melibatkan kenderaan lain tetapi dengan sesuatu alat yang tak dapat dikenal pasti..too bad 'org' itu..erm..blk ni nk p polish kalu tak aku beli je polish dan polish sendiri..hopefully keceraan itu dapat dihilangkan dengan cara polish shj..kalu kena paint blk..mak ai...aku tuko warna lain teros..sobbbbsss..

another sobsss...
pasal interview smlm~ if i can turn back time.. :(
(sigh)
let bygones be bygones..but i cant stand with my job now! why aku kena belajar buat kompos? why aku terlibat dgn program2 kitar semula ni? aku baru buang sebungkus kertas2 yg tak terpakai..aku tak kitar semula pon! lagi satu tin2 aluminium yg aku kumpul pon blom dihantar ke tempat yg sepatutnya. aduh..sbnrnya inilah cabaran yg perlu aku sahut.. start evrythg dgn diri sendiri dan sama2 mengajak org lain turut serta..owh..boleh kah? for time being, aku kena bersyukur kerana mempunyai pekerjaan, di mana saringan pertama (30 org) aku berjaya, saringan kedua (10 org) aku berjaya jgk..yg lagi berjaya nya..i'm the only one..so Dato' dah pilih org yg terbaik since aku diinterview sendiri oleh Dato' CEO. hmm..kalau aku berhenti, kesian org2 yg interview seangkatan aku tp tak berjaya, aku pulak kerja separuh jalan pastu aku tinggalkan..aku tak tahu kenapa aku sedih dgn job aku skrg..atau aku sebenarnya sedih pada hari disebabkan beberapa ekor bacteria+ ketidakseimbangan hormon di dalam tubuh ini..jadi..aku kena usaha dan kerja dgn ikhlas dan baik hati..owh my~

till then..dah ada semangat nk buat kerja. lalala~

mood~

dah lama aku tak berblog ni..mcm tak kuasa pon ye..been very busy dgn miserable life..especially bila dah ada tanggungjawab sosial yang lebih berat. rasa syukur dgn job yg aku ada skrg, aku pergi jugak another interview kat tempat lain. kat uitm, rasa nak berbakti dgn tempat aku belajar dlu..tapi interview smlm..arghhh!!! i want more question, tp 'the panels' tu malas nak tanya pon, perhaps i'm the last person! candidates before aku, berabuk2 soklan dorg bagi, time aku, aduhh..i expect more tough question since the whole last week aku study pasal interview ni, carreer objective etc, last2 dorg tanya aku punya interest je, aku goreng pasal aku suka baca journal, esp. journal kesihatan since aku di interview oleh panel2 dari fakulti perubatan...nasib baik Dato' takde, kalu tak aku akan goreng pasal cardiology+ helicobacter je la since aku tahu Dato' punya specialized! heh.. tp aku tak kenal pon panel2 semalam tu..

sedih..for the first time aku rasa fail di interview..arghhh!! maybe perasaan aku je..atau aku benar2 perasan dengan penilaian yang aku boleh buat sendiri. too bad..aku tak ada keyakinan diri rupanya..

aku tak bersyukur dengan kerja aku skrg ke? nak sedapkan hati..kalau betul semalam bukan rezeki aku, maksudnya panel2 tu mmg tahu aku dah cukup bagus untuk tugas aku skrg..so be proud!
ok~
aku nak kol pen.pendaftar yg incharge smlm..bila result interview keluar?